Message up... for You

I left the door open. In the dark room. If you get off and then in the moonlight, and you feel like it, come in. I left the lights burning in my room. I'm sorry, that is not such a big order, but, for me compared to myself... my part of room is arranged. I hope You can notice. You do? :)
I have left a place on the bed for You, you can sit down there. Next to me. There are some textbooks, and a couple of notes. Further on, there is an article in one folder. I have to translate it (for myself). It would be nice if you could help me.
The weather was nice today. And the leaves on the ground, You would love them. Maybe I would asked You to run into it with me. But You rather would just looked at me doing it. But I would see You smiling. That wrinkled smile, what comes up from Your deep heart.
I miss You, You know? Indeed, so much. You are far away. Close. Unattainable. Inseparable. I'm afraid. Sometimes I'm so alone. And sometimes I feel like calling You. It wouldn't be cheap, but hearing You is more valuable than anything. Priceless. The dear voice. A laugh. The cries. The sighs ... All just Yours.
How different is everything. Without you. How many things in this World You were... Simultaneously. From ourselves. In you. How much there was ...
Was. And now only the memories remain. But as long as we are. They exist. And You breathe with our breathtakes.
There are many things I haven't said yet. But I know that You listen. And will ever after. In the light of the candle the sounds would take me to You. The words reach Thee, is not it? You will visit me sometime, wouldn't You?
In the evening, when I dreaming, caress me sometimes. When it's hard to fall asleep, kiss me to the dreams, and visit me.
I'm going now. (Oh, I haven't said, I was washing! And ironing. You would be proud of me, would You? And I even started to like to wash the dishes too...) It is good here, I just miss You ... Please sit next to me, I'd hug You so much.
I love you.

Can't cope with your memories

You've gone. That's the most sure thing You "left" after You, and then: loads of memories.
Being with you, hearing your voice, feeling your touch, your hug, the smell of Your skin and hair.
When you bought your hair colours, when you dyed your hair and came out like that, and continued doing Your daily things, smiling, talking, cheering us up.
When You came, cabs stopping in front of the house. When You went and the car door slapped.
When I arrived to the fact: You'll be home, waiting for us.
When I was on my way home and saw a car, the car You were coming in. The moment when it stopped and I hopped in, hugging You.
When You gave us those little gifts, and when we felt it so precious, not thinking about: how precious was that time. That You could give it to us.

When You could see me smiling on my last way "out". When You saw me preparing for my first alone-travel, then waited for me, and heard about my stories of this short time.
When I thought I felt the time... When I saw You, when You were in your weakest point...
When the time came... to feel Your last hug. The last time, we said 'I love you'-s. Last goodbyes.
Last anniverseries. Last calls.

And the first bad news.
Next: bad call.
First tears in phone.

And now... You're gone.
Not in my mind.
You're just on a big vacation. Visiting the places You've always want to. I see You laughing and embracing the Life. You're just far from us.

But sometimes I become selfish. And I wish You could come back, and say a word again. Calm me when I feel down. Let me hear you say, it's gonna be alright.
I wish to hear your life-full laugh.

I just can see Your smile on the pictures. Two-dimension pictures of a three-dimension soul... How could I...?
You're everywhere, but I can't go on without knowing that You're not going to touch those cups and plates, and calendars, and trees what You did before. The chairs, the tables, the swing.
It would... It is else, to sit down, without You being next to us.

And I can't unwrap the papers on the things with Your face on them... Painful that it only can be just a copy of You... Your life...

Because we are poor not having You.