Love to You...

Wanna get lost with You. In all senses.
Want Your everything, Your touch, Your lips, Your heart.
To fly high, and dive deep.
To become just one... of Us.



And I just wanna make love to you.

Here we go

So time arrived, when tears are not meant to resemble sadness. And crying shows that the heart has been fulfilled with love, energies and all to power it could get and give back to the World, this beauty, this Hill we're crawling up on day-by-day. Wanting, wishing, whispering, shouting, laughing, loving, living and living and living. Living, as never we would and could do in other times again, once in a way it doesn't need a repeat. Because it goes just as it goes, and have to.

dreaming about him

i dreamt you.
again. but.
i dont know you
who are you?
ive seen you in my dreams
not once
but twice
and talking
and playing
your voice, is sweet, just as your smile, it is.

you were just there. when i waws just there
none of us was here because of the other... there was mo reason at all
we just were and ...had to be there, like to find each other...
you were just there, naturally, like it was meant to be.
playing, smiling around, just with your pure joy for life. and you touched me and we started playing.
i was happy having you around, and being there, where you were.
but then i got up. but now im still dreaming about you, awaken.
and have the feeling: nwe gonna meet again. because we have to meet again. at least in our dreams. unbtil it comes to the point... it comes to the truth.

(waits)

"...life is complex, sometimes complicated, and stressful, yet Life is to be lived to the fullest."

I meant this sentence as Nina meant it. Because the feelings inside of... my heart and soul are sometimes so powerful and strong that I feel like all the World's feeling are concentrated in mines. and I truely believe that loads of souls share this emotions, and have the faith in sharing feelings this way - to be Everybody at the same time while being : ME. And though that I feel it, I know, I still could introduce myself to some. And that's my desire towards those to know them and to be known this way.

I know, and feel it absolutely and am grateful for Life's wholeness and even it's stresses. I need them! I wouldn't - and don't WANT to - be whole without these up and downs of this beautiful Rollercoaster. because going up we only can if we start from the bottom of the things. Firstly in our deepness.
And I want to share all the drops of my feelings. To show "what it means to feel what I feel."
To feel love. To feel loved. Living and feelin: Alive.

And what I want to give with this song is it's power. Not a genre, not a place or a "name". Everything, what it means to me. What get out of me. What inspires me about it.
And it is truely a huge inspiration knowing all what those people done with Their personality - tip to toe, from Their soul, because They believed in what were doing.

To "use" this love as it is meant to be used, to be the lover who gives everything possible. For this World, what awoken this power to love.

Introduction at late in the night

Self summary...
I am not good at it - or at least not in deciding what to sum up about me.
I am small. Though I need big spaces. Like the World, the Universe, the souls of others, and hugs.
I am hard at making decisions. And I am a really "depends-on-my-mood".
And my life could be described as a list of assosiacions. At least I would do this way. :)
I am "blessed" with (not) having the worst memory ever... :P Really, it is confusing sometimes, that I act like an 80 year old lady would without getting her cavington pills...

I am fond of colours. In all ways. On walls, paintings, in clothes, flowers, even voices. And in people.
I believe in people, in the "elemental" humans, living with the same souls, in several parts of this World.
If I should choose a "religion" I would say that I have faith in Pangea of souls, of people. Living in one continent of feelings, and dreams. In their creations, bridges, and gods.

I am keen on dancing. This is a very important part of my life. And even if I am not an expert of dance - tried and was member of danceschools, but competing is not my world -,
It is a special, an own expression of my feelings, meaning about World, and the world within me. I feel myself one with the universe, and it is a teraphy for me, solving any kind of problems.
My real side can be found dancing...
In music gypsy music and folk world is really meaning

I believe in love. [On the ryhtm of Katie Melua's same titled song. :)]
Not only for people. For *one human*. But for the whole World, for the Life we live in. I am madly in love with Life.
We are all lovers here. And make love with/in every movement of ours, phisically or spiritually. Because love starts in ourselves. Not for *someone*, but for Everyone, and it concentrates more and more to S/He, as Time requires.

Message up... for You

I left the door open. In the dark room. If you get off and then in the moonlight, and you feel like it, come in. I left the lights burning in my room. I'm sorry, that is not such a big order, but, for me compared to myself... my part of room is arranged. I hope You can notice. You do? :)
I have left a place on the bed for You, you can sit down there. Next to me. There are some textbooks, and a couple of notes. Further on, there is an article in one folder. I have to translate it (for myself). It would be nice if you could help me.
The weather was nice today. And the leaves on the ground, You would love them. Maybe I would asked You to run into it with me. But You rather would just looked at me doing it. But I would see You smiling. That wrinkled smile, what comes up from Your deep heart.
I miss You, You know? Indeed, so much. You are far away. Close. Unattainable. Inseparable. I'm afraid. Sometimes I'm so alone. And sometimes I feel like calling You. It wouldn't be cheap, but hearing You is more valuable than anything. Priceless. The dear voice. A laugh. The cries. The sighs ... All just Yours.
How different is everything. Without you. How many things in this World You were... Simultaneously. From ourselves. In you. How much there was ...
Was. And now only the memories remain. But as long as we are. They exist. And You breathe with our breathtakes.
There are many things I haven't said yet. But I know that You listen. And will ever after. In the light of the candle the sounds would take me to You. The words reach Thee, is not it? You will visit me sometime, wouldn't You?
In the evening, when I dreaming, caress me sometimes. When it's hard to fall asleep, kiss me to the dreams, and visit me.
I'm going now. (Oh, I haven't said, I was washing! And ironing. You would be proud of me, would You? And I even started to like to wash the dishes too...) It is good here, I just miss You ... Please sit next to me, I'd hug You so much.
I love you.

everything always

that's what will never change. Anything but that will do, and will change. Sometime...

everytime

today I'm in love. with every day

Dreaming, meaning

You Don't Know What You Are Going To Do With Your Life

If your dream has you standing at a fork in the road, wondering which way you should go, it means you don't know what to do. You are confused, and the best way to get over that is to ask someone that you can confide in, someone who understands you. If you don't have someone to confide in, then don't brood over it. Decide what you are going to do later, when it comes to that point.

And exactly that's how it is... But the good point in that is: I have who can, who is with me, and helps me all the way it is possible. (Thank You. :))

Many ways

Angela says in an episode, that "There's so many ways to be connected to people."
And we just can't realise, how many there really are. When someone seems to lose us, or we seem to lose them, they kind of grab us, and don't let the connection go and disappear, but it also depends on us.
We do not pay enough attention on caring about each other, cause 'we think...'. But we don't do it right. Because at the same time - we feel. Something else. And ours feeling always seem to be more real, and lifelike than any other... It's kind of an instinc we got from nature. with the only difference that we use it in our relations and not to protect our lives - not in it's phisical meaning. but we do protect it in the mental way.

we

..and finally we always notice: we're our series' protagonist.

Ghost moments

Part of some - other's - life...

She arrives home, and she finds a new feeling, new, old, new... True.
So she arrives home after anight would-be-spent-out-from-home, and she's undressing, and feeling tired, and somehow strange, at home.
Terribilyy tired, and sleepy maybe. She stands up, walks through the house, and open the parent's door.
She, her mother's still awaken. And she breaks in tear, and end up in her arms, saying sorry. And making the solution for the rows before.
And she falls asleep that way.

That's, what I'd like to do. The same. To open that door, to enter, and say: I am sorry for everything.
And to fall asleep in Your arms. Again. Arraiving home - finally.

Other:

"It's just so hard to look at her like she looks like a stranger..."

/From My so-called life, true for nowaday's situations.../

Dream

I've dreamt about him.
I don't know why, and what the dream, what it meant.
I can remember looking at him. But he didn't noticed. I heard him laughing, or even "just" similing. Saw him playing with his brother. He was giggling, like a little boy does when he's tickled by someone.
Then he turned to me? Or somehow his.. their attention got me. Looking at them, between some branches, from behind of a churhc-like building.
Then the bells started to ring. Giggling stopped. He got up from the laid play-position. Left the little boy there, and came towards me. The boy weren't here anymore. (His mother came, or someone, took him, not sure. But he was somewhere, with someone safe.)
We were just two of us.
It was kind of a moment of enlightning... And he knew something ...new? Or better to say: old, but freshly discovered. A feeling.
Just like me.
A desire, for something else. A desire for it to be true.

*Not afraid, because it will be never read by. . .
Him.

Can't cope with your memories

You've gone. That's the most sure thing You "left" after You, and then: loads of memories.
Being with you, hearing your voice, feeling your touch, your hug, the smell of Your skin and hair.
When you bought your hair colours, when you dyed your hair and came out like that, and continued doing Your daily things, smiling, talking, cheering us up.
When You came, cabs stopping in front of the house. When You went and the car door slapped.
When I arrived to the fact: You'll be home, waiting for us.
When I was on my way home and saw a car, the car You were coming in. The moment when it stopped and I hopped in, hugging You.
When You gave us those little gifts, and when we felt it so precious, not thinking about: how precious was that time. That You could give it to us.

When You could see me smiling on my last way "out". When You saw me preparing for my first alone-travel, then waited for me, and heard about my stories of this short time.
When I thought I felt the time... When I saw You, when You were in your weakest point...
When the time came... to feel Your last hug. The last time, we said 'I love you'-s. Last goodbyes.
Last anniverseries. Last calls.

And the first bad news.
Next: bad call.
First tears in phone.

And now... You're gone.
Not in my mind.
You're just on a big vacation. Visiting the places You've always want to. I see You laughing and embracing the Life. You're just far from us.

But sometimes I become selfish. And I wish You could come back, and say a word again. Calm me when I feel down. Let me hear you say, it's gonna be alright.
I wish to hear your life-full laugh.

I just can see Your smile on the pictures. Two-dimension pictures of a three-dimension soul... How could I...?
You're everywhere, but I can't go on without knowing that You're not going to touch those cups and plates, and calendars, and trees what You did before. The chairs, the tables, the swing.
It would... It is else, to sit down, without You being next to us.

And I can't unwrap the papers on the things with Your face on them... Painful that it only can be just a copy of You... Your life...

Because we are poor not having You.

when arriving to places where nobody's waiting for you..

empty places...
empty rooms...
empty souls...
and nobody is there to hold and squeeze your hand, and say, yournotalone

(cruchhhrr)

if something breaks nothing can glue it back - not to make the breaches disappear. but we can keep the remained parts. and the memory of it. and move on - with it...

June

Another rainy night will came. The atmosphere was gold somehow... It was like you were seeing the world through golden sunglasses.
Sparrows and swallows were hunting for bugs. People were spitting cherry seeds. Someone looking out from the window. Another gone out to the ground. Something must have been in the air.
Swallows came back and brought their gnats back.
That's life, how it has to be.
And we play every day. Every hours of the day and every minute of them. We play because we need the applause, and need the roses in front of our feet. The bad critics and the good friends. To be there fir them, to be spectators. To feel that someone's playing for us. For our pleasure. To make us laugh or even cry.
To make you feel alive...

time...

not the morning's passaway and not the towarding evening causes those moods... but the time what seems to be too fast, the time, what goes by always. with or without us.

suggestion - for life

paint your veil, paint the sky with the colour of the spring, let your hands be colour-full...
♥