April 23, 2010

Dreaming, meaning

You Don't Know What You Are Going To Do With Your Life

If your dream has you standing at a fork in the road, wondering which way you should go, it means you don't know what to do. You are confused, and the best way to get over that is to ask someone that you can confide in, someone who understands you. If you don't have someone to confide in, then don't brood over it. Decide what you are going to do later, when it comes to that point.

And exactly that's how it is... But the good point in that is: I have who can, who is with me, and helps me all the way it is possible. (Thank You. :))

April 21, 2010

Many ways

Angela says in an episode, that "There's so many ways to be connected to people."
And we just can't realise, how many there really are. When someone seems to lose us, or we seem to lose them, they kind of grab us, and don't let the connection go and disappear, but it also depends on us.
We do not pay enough attention on caring about each other, cause 'we think...'. But we don't do it right. Because at the same time - we feel. Something else. And ours feeling always seem to be more real, and lifelike than any other... It's kind of an instinc we got from nature. with the only difference that we use it in our relations and not to protect our lives - not in it's phisical meaning. but we do protect it in the mental way.

April 17, 2010


..and finally we always notice: we're our series' protagonist.

April 15, 2010

Ghost moments

Part of some - other's - life...

She arrives home, and she finds a new feeling, new, old, new... True.
So she arrives home after anight would-be-spent-out-from-home, and she's undressing, and feeling tired, and somehow strange, at home.
Terribilyy tired, and sleepy maybe. She stands up, walks through the house, and open the parent's door.
She, her mother's still awaken. And she breaks in tear, and end up in her arms, saying sorry. And making the solution for the rows before.
And she falls asleep that way.

That's, what I'd like to do. The same. To open that door, to enter, and say: I am sorry for everything.
And to fall asleep in Your arms. Again. Arraiving home - finally.

April 14, 2010


"It's just so hard to look at her like she looks like a stranger..."

/From My so-called life, true for nowaday's situations.../


I've dreamt about him.
I don't know why, and what the dream, what it meant.
I can remember looking at him. But he didn't noticed. I heard him laughing, or even "just" similing. Saw him playing with his brother. He was giggling, like a little boy does when he's tickled by someone.
Then he turned to me? Or somehow his.. their attention got me. Looking at them, between some branches, from behind of a churhc-like building.
Then the bells started to ring. Giggling stopped. He got up from the laid play-position. Left the little boy there, and came towards me. The boy weren't here anymore. (His mother came, or someone, took him, not sure. But he was somewhere, with someone safe.)
We were just two of us.
It was kind of a moment of enlightning... And he knew something ...new? Or better to say: old, but freshly discovered. A feeling.
Just like me.
A desire, for something else. A desire for it to be true.

*Not afraid, because it will be never read by. . .

April 12, 2010

Can't cope with your memories

You've gone. That's the most sure thing You "left" after You, and then: loads of memories.
Being with you, hearing your voice, feeling your touch, your hug, the smell of Your skin and hair.
When you bought your hair colours, when you dyed your hair and came out like that, and continued doing Your daily things, smiling, talking, cheering us up.
When You came, cabs stopping in front of the house. When You went and the car door slapped.
When I arrived to the fact: You'll be home, waiting for us.
When I was on my way home and saw a car, the car You were coming in. The moment when it stopped and I hopped in, hugging You.
When You gave us those little gifts, and when we felt it so precious, not thinking about: how precious was that time. That You could give it to us.

When You could see me smiling on my last way "out". When You saw me preparing for my first alone-travel, then waited for me, and heard about my stories of this short time.
When I thought I felt the time... When I saw You, when You were in your weakest point...
When the time came... to feel Your last hug. The last time, we said 'I love you'-s. Last goodbyes.
Last anniverseries. Last calls.

And the first bad news.
Next: bad call.
First tears in phone.

And now... You're gone.
Not in my mind.
You're just on a big vacation. Visiting the places You've always want to. I see You laughing and embracing the Life. You're just far from us.

But sometimes I become selfish. And I wish You could come back, and say a word again. Calm me when I feel down. Let me hear you say, it's gonna be alright.
I wish to hear your life-full laugh.

I just can see Your smile on the pictures. Two-dimension pictures of a three-dimension soul... How could I...?
You're everywhere, but I can't go on without knowing that You're not going to touch those cups and plates, and calendars, and trees what You did before. The chairs, the tables, the swing.
It would... It is else, to sit down, without You being next to us.

And I can't unwrap the papers on the things with Your face on them... Painful that it only can be just a copy of You... Your life...

Because we are poor not having You.

April 5, 2010

when arriving to places where nobody's waiting for you..

empty places...
empty rooms...
empty souls...
and nobody is there to hold and squeeze your hand, and say, yournotalone