December 14, 2010

Introduction at late in the night

Self summary...
I am not good at it - or at least not in deciding what to sum up about me.
I am small. Though I need big spaces. Like the World, the Universe, the souls of others, and hugs.
I am hard at making decisions. And I am a really "depends-on-my-mood".
And my life could be described as a list of assosiacions. At least I would do this way. :)
I am "blessed" with (not) having the worst memory ever... :P Really, it is confusing sometimes, that I act like an 80 year old lady would without getting her cavington pills...

I am fond of colours. In all ways. On walls, paintings, in clothes, flowers, even voices. And in people.
I believe in people, in the "elemental" humans, living with the same souls, in several parts of this World.
If I should choose a "religion" I would say that I have faith in Pangea of souls, of people. Living in one continent of feelings, and dreams. In their creations, bridges, and gods.

I am keen on dancing. This is a very important part of my life. And even if I am not an expert of dance - tried and was member of danceschools, but competing is not my world -,
It is a special, an own expression of my feelings, meaning about World, and the world within me. I feel myself one with the universe, and it is a teraphy for me, solving any kind of problems.
My real side can be found dancing...
In music gypsy music and folk world is really meaning

I believe in love. [On the ryhtm of Katie Melua's same titled song. :)]
Not only for people. For *one human*. But for the whole World, for the Life we live in. I am madly in love with Life.
We are all lovers here. And make love with/in every movement of ours, phisically or spiritually. Because love starts in ourselves. Not for *someone*, but for Everyone, and it concentrates more and more to S/He, as Time requires.

November 17, 2010

Message up... for You

I left the door open. In the dark room. If you get off and then in the moonlight, and you feel like it, come in. I left the lights burning in my room. I'm sorry, that is not such a big order, but, for me compared to myself... my part of room is arranged. I hope You can notice. You do? :)
I have left a place on the bed for You, you can sit down there. Next to me. There are some textbooks, and a couple of notes. Further on, there is an article in one folder. I have to translate it (for myself). It would be nice if you could help me.
The weather was nice today. And the leaves on the ground, You would love them. Maybe I would asked You to run into it with me. But You rather would just looked at me doing it. But I would see You smiling. That wrinkled smile, what comes up from Your deep heart.
I miss You, You know? Indeed, so much. You are far away. Close. Unattainable. Inseparable. I'm afraid. Sometimes I'm so alone. And sometimes I feel like calling You. It wouldn't be cheap, but hearing You is more valuable than anything. Priceless. The dear voice. A laugh. The cries. The sighs ... All just Yours.
How different is everything. Without you. How many things in this World You were... Simultaneously. From ourselves. In you. How much there was ...
Was. And now only the memories remain. But as long as we are. They exist. And You breathe with our breathtakes.
There are many things I haven't said yet. But I know that You listen. And will ever after. In the light of the candle the sounds would take me to You. The words reach Thee, is not it? You will visit me sometime, wouldn't You?
In the evening, when I dreaming, caress me sometimes. When it's hard to fall asleep, kiss me to the dreams, and visit me.
I'm going now. (Oh, I haven't said, I was washing! And ironing. You would be proud of me, would You? And I even started to like to wash the dishes too...) It is good here, I just miss You ... Please sit next to me, I'd hug You so much.
I love you.

June 7, 2010

everything always

that's what will never change. Anything but that will do, and will change. Sometime...


today I'm in love. with every day

April 23, 2010

Dreaming, meaning

You Don't Know What You Are Going To Do With Your Life

If your dream has you standing at a fork in the road, wondering which way you should go, it means you don't know what to do. You are confused, and the best way to get over that is to ask someone that you can confide in, someone who understands you. If you don't have someone to confide in, then don't brood over it. Decide what you are going to do later, when it comes to that point.

And exactly that's how it is... But the good point in that is: I have who can, who is with me, and helps me all the way it is possible. (Thank You. :))

April 21, 2010

Many ways

Angela says in an episode, that "There's so many ways to be connected to people."
And we just can't realise, how many there really are. When someone seems to lose us, or we seem to lose them, they kind of grab us, and don't let the connection go and disappear, but it also depends on us.
We do not pay enough attention on caring about each other, cause 'we think...'. But we don't do it right. Because at the same time - we feel. Something else. And ours feeling always seem to be more real, and lifelike than any other... It's kind of an instinc we got from nature. with the only difference that we use it in our relations and not to protect our lives - not in it's phisical meaning. but we do protect it in the mental way.

April 17, 2010


..and finally we always notice: we're our series' protagonist.

April 15, 2010

Ghost moments

Part of some - other's - life...

She arrives home, and she finds a new feeling, new, old, new... True.
So she arrives home after anight would-be-spent-out-from-home, and she's undressing, and feeling tired, and somehow strange, at home.
Terribilyy tired, and sleepy maybe. She stands up, walks through the house, and open the parent's door.
She, her mother's still awaken. And she breaks in tear, and end up in her arms, saying sorry. And making the solution for the rows before.
And she falls asleep that way.

That's, what I'd like to do. The same. To open that door, to enter, and say: I am sorry for everything.
And to fall asleep in Your arms. Again. Arraiving home - finally.

April 14, 2010


"It's just so hard to look at her like she looks like a stranger..."

/From My so-called life, true for nowaday's situations.../


I've dreamt about him.
I don't know why, and what the dream, what it meant.
I can remember looking at him. But he didn't noticed. I heard him laughing, or even "just" similing. Saw him playing with his brother. He was giggling, like a little boy does when he's tickled by someone.
Then he turned to me? Or somehow his.. their attention got me. Looking at them, between some branches, from behind of a churhc-like building.
Then the bells started to ring. Giggling stopped. He got up from the laid play-position. Left the little boy there, and came towards me. The boy weren't here anymore. (His mother came, or someone, took him, not sure. But he was somewhere, with someone safe.)
We were just two of us.
It was kind of a moment of enlightning... And he knew something Or better to say: old, but freshly discovered. A feeling.
Just like me.
A desire, for something else. A desire for it to be true.

*Not afraid, because it will be never read by. . .

April 12, 2010

Can't cope with your memories

You've gone. That's the most sure thing You "left" after You, and then: loads of memories.
Being with you, hearing your voice, feeling your touch, your hug, the smell of Your skin and hair.
When you bought your hair colours, when you dyed your hair and came out like that, and continued doing Your daily things, smiling, talking, cheering us up.
When You came, cabs stopping in front of the house. When You went and the car door slapped.
When I arrived to the fact: You'll be home, waiting for us.
When I was on my way home and saw a car, the car You were coming in. The moment when it stopped and I hopped in, hugging You.
When You gave us those little gifts, and when we felt it so precious, not thinking about: how precious was that time. That You could give it to us.

When You could see me smiling on my last way "out". When You saw me preparing for my first alone-travel, then waited for me, and heard about my stories of this short time.
When I thought I felt the time... When I saw You, when You were in your weakest point...
When the time came... to feel Your last hug. The last time, we said 'I love you'-s. Last goodbyes.
Last anniverseries. Last calls.

And the first bad news.
Next: bad call.
First tears in phone.

And now... You're gone.
Not in my mind.
You're just on a big vacation. Visiting the places You've always want to. I see You laughing and embracing the Life. You're just far from us.

But sometimes I become selfish. And I wish You could come back, and say a word again. Calm me when I feel down. Let me hear you say, it's gonna be alright.
I wish to hear your life-full laugh.

I just can see Your smile on the pictures. Two-dimension pictures of a three-dimension soul... How could I...?
You're everywhere, but I can't go on without knowing that You're not going to touch those cups and plates, and calendars, and trees what You did before. The chairs, the tables, the swing.
It would... It is else, to sit down, without You being next to us.

And I can't unwrap the papers on the things with Your face on them... Painful that it only can be just a copy of You... Your life...

Because we are poor not having You.

April 5, 2010

when arriving to places where nobody's waiting for you..

empty places...
empty rooms...
empty souls...
and nobody is there to hold and squeeze your hand, and say, yournotalone

March 30, 2010


if something breaks nothing can glue it back - not to make the breaches disappear. but we can keep the remained parts. and the memory of it. and move on - with it...


Another rainy night will came. The atmosphere was gold somehow... It was like you were seeing the world through golden sunglasses.
Sparrows and swallows were hunting for bugs. People were spitting cherry seeds. Someone looking out from the window. Another gone out to the ground. Something must have been in the air.
Swallows came back and brought their gnats back.
That's life, how it has to be.
And we play every day. Every hours of the day and every minute of them. We play because we need the applause, and need the roses in front of our feet. The bad critics and the good friends. To be there fir them, to be spectators. To feel that someone's playing for us. For our pleasure. To make us laugh or even cry.
To make you feel alive...


not the morning's passaway and not the towarding evening causes those moods... but the time what seems to be too fast, the time, what goes by always. with or without us.

suggestion - for life

paint your veil, paint the sky with the colour of the spring, let your hands be colour-full...

March 15, 2010

while i was holding a scarf in the wind

sometimes when we let something go we'll never find it again...

February 27, 2010

Show me up

Újból inni járulok hozzád,
(I'm back to you again to end my thirst)
De mindig jobban szomjazom.
(But I'm only more thirsty)
A sorsot áldom, amiért
(I'm blessing the fate that you're)
nem vagy itt, hogy nélküled láss.
(Not here to see me without you)

February 25, 2010


Hol volt, hol nem volt
(Once upon a time)

Mondd, hol van az a lány
(Tell me, where’s the girl)
Akire vár ott a Hold?
(Who the Moon’s waiting for?)
Mondd, hol van az a bár
(Tell me, where’s the bar)
Ami az imént még itt volt?
(which was here before?)

Mondd, hol van az a jómadár
(Tell me, where’s that good old bird, )
Akinek mindig kék az ég?
(For whom the sky is always blue?)
Hol van az a vég
(...Where’s the end )
Aminek eleje sincs még?
(what doesn’t even had start?)

Hol volt hol nem volt
(Once upon a time...)
Hol volt, hol nem volt
(Once upon a time)
Volt egyszer egy...
(There was a...)
Vagy tán sosem volt
(Or maybe it never existed)

Mondd, hol van az a bőr
(Tell me, where’s the skin)
Mit örököl a gyík?
(what the lizard inherits?)
Mondd, hol van az a tőr
(Tell me, where’s the dagger)
Ami a melledben sikít?
(what’s screams in your chest?)

Mondd, hol van az a furcsa fény
(Tell me, where’s that strange light)
Ami az éjt szúrja át?
(What pierces the night?)
Hol lenne... ugyan már
(Where would it be... tut!)
Jó éjszakát!
(Good night!)

Hol volt hol nem volt
(Once upon a time)
Hol volt, hol nem volt
Volt egyszer egy...
(There was a...)
Vagy tán sosem volt
(Or maybe it never existed)

Hol volt hol nem volt
(Once upon a time...)
Hol volt, hol nem volt
(Once upon a time)
Volt egyszer egy...
(There was a...)
Vagy tán sosem volt
(Or maybe it never existed)

A song from Eleven Hold:


Ez a lány... az igaztársam rég.
(This girl my true partner for long)
Én nem tudom, hol cseszték el, hogy ilyen lett, de örök hálám ezért.
(I don’t know where they failed with her but I’m grateful)
Nyíló kertemül veszem, fát vetek belé, s majd öntözi a szívem
(I’ll make her my blooming garden, plant trees and my heart will water them)

Másom nincs, csak az életem, egy kócos senki vagyok
(I don’t have nothing else than my life, I’m a scruffy nobody)
hogy szeretnének, én nem hiszem, a létükből így kimaradok,
(That they would love me, I doubt, I’m dropped out of their life,)

Úgy se lesz több, csak pár év,
(I wouldn’t be more than just some years)
de addig hadd higgyek benne, ahogy a többi erre ítélt.
(But let me believe as all the others in the same situation.)

Kézcsók! Az utam sose keresztezzék!
(Greetings... They never intersect my ways!)
Ó, próbálkozni is kár, az első mozdulatra lőnék,
(Doesn’t worth a try, I’d shoot by the first move,)
az első mozdulatra lőnék, az első mozdulatra lőnék,
(I’d shoot by the first move)
az első mozdulatra lőnék....
(Shoot by the first move...)

Ha tiltanának, biztos, hogy más húsában is egymást marnánk
(Even if they’d prohibit it, sure we’d bite each other even in others meat)
Jó sok évig vártunk, ígyx hát többé nem fontolgatnánk
(We waited for long years so it wouldn’t take a minute to think about that)

Másom nincs, csak az életem, egy kócos senki vagyok
(I don’t have nothing else than my life, I’m a scruffy nobody)

Words in/on a train

Once while I was travelling on the train I've heard a little part of a conversation between 2 siblings, a 6year-old boy and an older girl. That was it:
"-... the girl eat the boy.
- Whaaat?!
- As at the mantises do. The female mantises eats the male.
(Brother's staring at Sister, scared about the fact He heard before. Squirms 'till he gets smaller. Then looks out of the window, and continues with a smiling voice: )
- How lucky that people don't do it. "

(And if it's true or's another story. :) )

January 21, 2010

Wass Albert, Hungarian writer's thoughts about Time

- Listen to me - he said grimly – once you promised something to someone, and you are not there, there are only two reasons what can be an excuses: you are dead, or as sick, ast you can not move!" You are not dead, I see. Well, what is the disease, let me call the doctor.
I told him anxiously in the dark, what happened. My grandfather listened without a word. When I ran out of words, he said. Seriously, in slow speech.
- Listen to me - he said. - There are people in this world, who toss it back and throw the words, and promises that have no value anymore. We, members of theWass family are not one of them. If we say something, it is like the stone. If we give our word, that we can, even if die in it! Do you understand?
- Yes, I understand – I faltered.
- No, you do not understand! - hit me with his words – but I’m going to explain it to understand. You see the gold watch in the pocket of my vest? My grandfather gave it to me when graduated from high school. When you’ll graduate, it will be yours. This watch is more valuable than any other nick-nack. But you can steal it. You can return it, or refund it’s price. Steal someone's horse, cow, ox, shot gun. Steal everything again and return it, or refund in price. Only one thing, if you steal from someone, could not be refunded. Never. And this is the Time! If you steal someone's time, you steal something you can never give back. Never can retrieve. The time you spent on waiting can not be brought back by no power on Earth. It does not exist anymore, it has passed over. Lost forever, and you were the one who is the cause of this irreparable loss. Do you understand?
And I understood. I understood as much, as from that day when I give someone my word, then and now that I'm here or there - I get there five minutes before the time, even if there are crones falling from the sky, as my dear old grandfather used to say. I brought up like that my children and also my grand children. Not because it is late, bad manners, but it's more than that. Who is five minutes late, five minutes swiped of someone's life, what could never be approved.

- Even the enemies trust the people who are reliable – as it was said by my grandfather - because trusted people are the crags of the society, which can be incorporated into the country. The others are rubbish, what will go with the wind... "
(Wass Albert: My grandfather taught)

First, starter post

A try for a description about me - from an interview

Introducing ourselves is always a hard thing... at least for me.
I was always interested in exchange program things, but have never been in one and I'd like to change that.
I'm in my first year at university studying Social studies.
I do that because I'm interested in people, and society.
I like to "analise" people, to watch, to hear, to connect and be connected to them. To call them friend and make them calling me a friend.
Connection is a very important thing in my life. If I ever get really in touch with somebody or something, it remains there for a long time. Lifelong.
My family is really important for me. They taught me the love of travelling and to be open minded and tolerant. And I've got a love for languages through my family too, because I was grown up in an "international" family. (Romanian roots, living in Hungary, having relations in England...
Because of this I can speak and write Romanian fluently.)
And because of this I travel more. This kind of distance showed me that limits in between countries does exist only on maps, not in our souls.
I also believe in an idea of Pangea. The separation of the water between the continents doesn't mean that we can't unit it. People built up lots of bridges and made it not just phisically.
I believe that all of us is a piece of a "bridge". And together we can be a Pangea, again. I'd like to join and to became a piece of the Camp's bridge. :)

I love challenges, travelling and to feel that I can turn myself to useful things. I think, this camp would be a 3 in 1 thing from this point of view.

I don't have too much experience, but I've been a member of a Stundents' Volunteer Group in my secondary school years. And in those times I got in touch with many situations and many (types of) people, and really enjoyed it. I've tasted that how is it to be a group leader, but more times I was a "background" helper.