April 12, 2010

Can't cope with your memories

You've gone. That's the most sure thing You "left" after You, and then: loads of memories.
Being with you, hearing your voice, feeling your touch, your hug, the smell of Your skin and hair.
When you bought your hair colours, when you dyed your hair and came out like that, and continued doing Your daily things, smiling, talking, cheering us up.
When You came, cabs stopping in front of the house. When You went and the car door slapped.
When I arrived to the fact: You'll be home, waiting for us.
When I was on my way home and saw a car, the car You were coming in. The moment when it stopped and I hopped in, hugging You.
When You gave us those little gifts, and when we felt it so precious, not thinking about: how precious was that time. That You could give it to us.

When You could see me smiling on my last way "out". When You saw me preparing for my first alone-travel, then waited for me, and heard about my stories of this short time.
When I thought I felt the time... When I saw You, when You were in your weakest point...
When the time came... to feel Your last hug. The last time, we said 'I love you'-s. Last goodbyes.
Last anniverseries. Last calls.

And the first bad news.
Next: bad call.
First tears in phone.

And now... You're gone.
Not in my mind.
You're just on a big vacation. Visiting the places You've always want to. I see You laughing and embracing the Life. You're just far from us.

But sometimes I become selfish. And I wish You could come back, and say a word again. Calm me when I feel down. Let me hear you say, it's gonna be alright.
I wish to hear your life-full laugh.

I just can see Your smile on the pictures. Two-dimension pictures of a three-dimension soul... How could I...?
You're everywhere, but I can't go on without knowing that You're not going to touch those cups and plates, and calendars, and trees what You did before. The chairs, the tables, the swing.
It would... It is else, to sit down, without You being next to us.

And I can't unwrap the papers on the things with Your face on them... Painful that it only can be just a copy of You... Your life...

Because we are poor not having You.

1 comment:

  1. Even if She has gone, She left something in You, which enables You to live - without Her... You have believed in Her so You have to believe in it. And She left after Her some good friends who hug You, who say to You "it's gonna be alright", who encourage You. Not in the same way, but because of the same reason: They love You.
    She has done her best, "It's your time" - as they say - to do your best.
    And You'll do it, I know. You're my Sweet "Pearl-Mate", we sleep in the same shell (the same bra made of shell! ;) ). I send You a butterfly to fly with You. *biiiig hug*